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How to cope with being cheated on

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Porn Base How to cope with being cheated on.

I lurched awake suddenly at 3 am. I instinctively reach for my phone. No missed calls, no texts. He always calls me back.

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We were always on shaky ground. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

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And now it has. I really want to be off about this, so I do something that always served me well in my love life, I lean on my remarkable capacity for self-deception.

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I wake up the next morning and treat it all like a nightmare. It never happened, everything is the same.

So I go about my day, brushing any awful thoughts aside. He and I were in a long distance relationship for the summer because I was home before starting my senior year of college. While I really loved him, at least I thought it was love at the time, the relationship was unhealthy, codependent, and horribly toxic.

And he needed me.

We were basically everything to one another. A girl, a very hot girl, posted on his wall. I tried to find some other explanation, but she was obviously referencing them hanging out together and I just knew. He called me later that night acting like everything was normal. I wanted to participate in the charade, but I just had to ask. This is the end. I was literally gutted, ripped open from end to end.

It just felt wrong. It was like I had gone through the looking glass, nothing made any sense without him.

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But I knew he would come back. He has to come back. I know everything about him.

And with that, here are...

I know his past, his pain, his demons. Instead, his new girlfriend flaunted their relationship all over social media. The worst part was he became the man I always wanted him to be … with her. I needed to know everything about her. And what makes her good enough? When the questions got to be too much I called him for some answers. I needed closure, I needed to understand. But what a waste of time that was.

It was like How to cope with being cheated on to a cold distant stranger. All the love he once felt if it actually existed was long gone.

The pain was too much. It was unrelenting and suffocating. I partied like a monster. I mean, take the wildest party girl you know, multiply her by 10 and that was me. I was on a mission.

How to cope with being cheated on That was my game and I played it well. But oh boy, did it come at a cost. I was just numb. I was a shell of a person. No more feelings, no more emotions, just black empty darkness. I turned my feelings off and became almost like a vampire. It was a sad and sick way to live. I think that breakup was the hardest thing I have ever had to overcome in my life. The healing came, but that was after many years of darkness and of needing to undo faulty beliefs that got deeply wired into my psyche, sabotaging me and my love life for many years after.

But I learned a lot, and have used my knowledge to help countless women heal their ravaged hearts. My default was always self-destruction and many years later, when trying to overcome yet another heartbreakI was heading in that direction but finally, a voice of reason kicked in!

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I had a sudden epiphany, a mature, responsible voice inside that said: I actually changed for the better and that one resolution put me on the path to actually finding and having a healthy relationship. So write about it.

Maybe talking to your friends and family will be enough, maybe you need to find a good therapist the right therapist can literally change your life! And be kind to yourself! Work on healing, work on being better. You are just plain bad. You will never get what you want in life. When you allow these beliefs you get wired in, you ruin yourself.

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It was your reaction to what he did that was your undoing. Honestly, it had nothing to do with you. It was about him. I saw his real, raw self and I wanted to take care of him … and in doing so, I kind of became his mommy. I cared for him like he was a little boy and there is nothing sexy about that dynamic. But can I sort of understand the appeal for him of having this hot sexy girl who worshipped him and thought he was manly and amazing?

I looked at him as a problem I needed to solve.

After finding out your partner...

And I did care about him deeply, but not in the same way. He had an opportunity to start fresh, to be with someone who inspired him to get his life together as opposed to me, who made him feel all too comfortable in his miseryand he took it.

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Everyone has what they want to give and get from a relationship. It was always too hard, always full of issues, always so sad and dreary.

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This is probably the number one question I get from women who have been cheated on: Try to get to the root of what went wrong in your last relationship. What red flags did you ignore? In what ways was the relationship not right for you? What qualities should a long-term partner have? Trust starts with you. If you can really get to the root of what went wrong, and what you would do differently next time, then you will be better able to trust your judgment going forward.

After finding out your partner...

Try as best you can to start anew. As you get more comfortable with the new guy, be open and honest about your pain.

This ties into the previous point.


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