T hree years ago, nude pictures of me made the rounds online. There were two and Old and naked had been taken in my bathroom several months earlier. One showed my stomach and my bare chest and the other was a long mirror shot of me topless, with my face on full display. I was even smiling — a gesture made for the Old and naked of my then long-distance boyfriend, to whom I had sent them via Facebook.
But you never think it could happen to you. Surely the chances of something leaking are very small? So, as time went on and our feelings grew stronger, I warmed up to the idea of sending him some sexy shots.
After a long morning preparing How does my hair look? Which is the best angle?
It is hard to describe my feelings in the moment I found out that boys were showing my pictures around my old school. In the days that followed, I remember feeling so helpless that I could not function.
My older sister had to take care of me, reminding me to eat and holding me when I randomly burst into panicked tears.
As I received the news, my boyfriend, who still says he never shared the pictures, told me he was desperately attempting to track down the source of the leak.
There was a long chain of finger-pointing that eventually led nowhere.
He was trying to smother a fire that was spreading viciously and quickly. I was no longer in school when the pictures leaked, as I had graduated two years earlier.
However, my younger sister was, and many of the boys who were distributing the pictures were her friends. It was a close-knit community, the school I grew up in and often returned to — a place that until Old and naked had been full of only fond memories. More than half of UK teenagers have seen their friends share intimate images of someone they know, according to a survey by Childnet International.
Four in 10 say they have witnessed peers setting up groups on social media to share sexual gossip or images.
Stories of online bullying, Old and naked shaming and teen suicides are reported on a regular basis. But behind every headline is a real girl. In the months that followed, I continued to blame myself. I was told to get over it, that it could have been worse. I was scolded by a friend for sending the pictures in the first place.
Returning home, I refused to go back to school for my annual visit. I avoided reunions and parties. I also approached my own friends with care, wondering if they had heard something through the grapevine.
Even when my younger sister finished school last summer, I had to force myself to attend her graduation. Old and naked large gathering of boys made me incredibly nervous and I found myself avoiding eye contact with every guy in the room. I kept asking the same question in my head: The debate about sexual harassment, demonstrated by the MeToo movement, has started a positive discussion.
But where does online sexual harassment fit into this picture? It is now so embedded into our everyday digital lives that it has become normalised and, quite frankly, overlooked.
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In her book Hate Crimes in CyberspaceDanielle Keats Citron writes about how victims are blamed for having poor Old and naked judgment, and some are accused of letting pictures leak merely for attention. Many men and boys, who would never dream of doing any of the acts Harvey Weinstein has been accused of, still think it acceptable to share naked pictures of strangers, as if the internet is exempt from social norms.
After regaining my energy, I spent every night online frantically trying to track down the original leak. My investigation came to an abrupt halt one evening when I was told that my nudes were originally on a larger online document that had been shared with Old and naked more boys.
On it were more than 40 images of other girls at my school, collected throughout the years. With the pace at which technology is advancing, including developments such as customised virtual reality pornography or AI-generated face-swap porn, this need is only becoming more urgent.
We cannot simply walk away and turn off our computers.
I have come to terms with what happened, and most importantly, have stopped blaming myself. But one thought that still worries me three years on is whether my pictures linger in the dark cyber-void.